I used to think loving yourself meant that you were selfish and about oneself. That you were so full of yourself and typically found to be those who were extremely egoistic. I later found that loving yourself was not anything like what I thought. Loving yourself simply means what it states. That if you have the ability to love another with care and affection, that you too can love yourself the same way. With care and affection, you can admire yourself but not to the point of being full of yourself. Showing that you can love the way you look, feel, and think about yourself. I definitely had my own opinions about loving yourself that I really wasn’t giving myself self compassion or any self love at all.
- Saying you love yourself, does not necessarily mean that you do
I would say this all the time. People would tell me that I didn’t love myself. And I would think, why would you tell me that I didn’t love myself? Because I listened and believed that I wasn’t loving myself because people said that I didn’t show any self respect. I have always heard that people who didn’t love themselves were those who always “went around”. And I would argue and argue that I did love myself. I loved who I was and I wouldn’t show myself that kind of disrespect. But little did I realize, that either what I thought, or what anyone else was saying was right about self love. Respecting yourself for your own actions and learning to value yourself as a person. Valuing meaning, not allowing ANYONE to determine who you are or what you’re allowed or not allowed to do. Valuing your own opinions, heart, and mind. This means that you should simply speak for yourself. If you find that something you feel is wrong, don’t allow someone else opinion to dictate your own thoughts. Speak up and say it. If someone calls you a name or calls you ugly. Show them. Let them know. “That’s your own opinion. I have confidence in my own. I know I’m beautiful. Inside and out.”
2. Taking charge in your life and your ability to do it.
When I say by taking charge in your life, I mean that learn that you are you. And that you should love every aspect of you. Every lump and cellulite you have. Every gracious curve and every bit of acne. These bits of aspects define you. They give you a significance of uniqueness. Last year, my face was filled with acne. I mean it was horrendous. Well at least what I thought was horrendous. Until I started using a face wash that “clearly” messed up my face. I was in extreme agony from how much pain I was in. Physically and emotionally. My face burned to the touch and my self esteem was shot to the core. I would walk outside and it was so difficult to look at people in the eyes, because I could see what they were looking at. I stopped taking selfies of myself because I looked so hideous. I was like the infectious people on The Hills Have Eyes. It was disgusting. But 90% of the people who saw me, didn’t even know my story. And I simply just saw them as people who were disgusted by me. Until later I realized, that this was just a moment in my life. And that It was going to pass. That I have the ability to go outside and just walk in a store without issues. Without my insecure thoughts of what other people would say. Its having that step to be able to take charge in your life. For it to click in your head and say, “Hey, you’re still you. You’re still beautiful behind all that acne, and it will get better. It doesn’t matter what other people think about it. Or have to say about it. Or even if they feel bad for it. Its that you understand that you still love you even that it’s there. You’re still this great, kind hearted person.” And that’s what it means to take charge in your life. It’s continuing to learn to love you even through all the bull shit. It’s ok. Because people will soon define you by your beauty.
3. Insecurites Vs. Self Compassion
I would sit and pick at all my flaws about myself because I would see how beautiful other women were compared to me. I would sit and compare all the things that were so wrong about me to another in his photo. Yes, I did that. Because I would think, that these women, had so much self confidence and so much beauty to be able to show off their visual aspects of themselves. That they were the ones in the photos and the starlight in front every camera. And well.. I’m the one that was behind the camera. I did not create enough love to fill myself with security. I would look at myself and be completely cruel to my mind and my body. I would tell my boyfriend, how disgusting I am. Like just not taking care of myself, or I was overweight and I was disgusting, because I was never the models in his photos. But after 342343080234 mental break downs later, I realized that… My passion wasn’t to be the models in his photos. It was that, I was going to tell the story of my own models. I was going to be the person who was able to create these women’s love for themselves. And in order for me to do that. I had to start with me first. I had to learn to value my love for myself and be more compassionate towards myself. I was going to have to work on loving my boyfriend even for all his crazy adventures around models and that I was going to be the one to support his love for his own work. All while loving myself. That meant, I was going to define all of my inner insecurites. Realize that I was going to be in love with all of my flaws, my disgustingness, my shitty days, my ugly days. I was going to have to tell myself that I love me. And there is no one better than loving me. I shouldn’t have to compare myself to these models. Because, who knows what their own insecurities are. It’s all about having love for you. Being good to yourself. Not just your body. But to your mind. Be in love with your intelligence and your heart to influence. It’s all going to start with you, and learning to love you.
In today’s generation, bullying is cruel. It is a cruel cruel world out there. I would let people say all kinds of horrible things about me. And I would play a repeat in my head all day long. That even things that they said weren’t true. I still made myself believe them. And that’s how you end up devaluing yourself. Learning to not love yourself because of what other people said about you. Learn to let go of what other’s have to say, and learn what you have to say means more. It’ll pure yourself, your soul and your emotions. Be in love with you.