It was a call…

It was a call… It was call for help. That I was hoping someone would be able to reach out and help me. But instead, every person took it as another form or way to see me fall on my face and embarrass myself. March 2016, someone did reach out to me. I hadn’t talked to him for a while, but he saw the signs. Him and a few others did, but he actually helped. I was sinking. It was more like drowning. I was drowning in deep sorry for myself. That I put myself and now a child in this position. I posted screen shots of text messages, of how emotionally and mentally abusive this person was to me. Not a single person reached out. No one wanted to be apart of it. No one wanted to have to deal with someone else bull shit.

For 4 years, I was slowly drowning. I called someone to help me one night. I was kicked out of my own home. A home with my name on it. The man sold or damaged every car that I owned under my name. Whatever benefited him. I had no where to go. My sister, denied me because I was empowered by this person. Mentally and emotionally. In March of 2016, I felt myself drowning. I was barely tip toeing on the edge of the sandbar before I knew I would go under. There were nights, I dealt with. Nights that I was thrown like a doll. Nights that I was cursed at and talked down to like a dog. Even as much as the words burden me, I tried numerously to stand my ground. Everyone saw it. But no one wanted to help. No one stood up to help… Instead, this person is your best friend. He is now your God, while you sit there and wonder what happened, even though you already knew.

I remember walking back into his friends house, at 7 months pregnant. After driving half way down the road back home with this so called of a man, belligerently drunk in my passenger seat. When the words slurred out of his mouth, “that’s why you’re a murphy hoe!” “That’s why KT didn’t want to have that baby because he thought it wasn’t his!” Swinging his arms wide enough to hit my stomach. “That’s why all the bitches love me!” As I’m turning the car around, he’s wailing his arms and I’m crying telling him he hit me. I pulled into the driveway of his friends new “bachelor pad”, and I walk in to his “sister” saying, “I don’t know how Nitha handles him. If I were her I would’ve left him a long time ago.” As I’m listening she turns around. “Oh, honey whats wrong?” As I’m telling her, his friends are outside looking for their drunk buddy.

I could hear him slurring his words as he’s coming inside the house. “She’s fucking crazy! I didn’t hit her! That’s my fucking baby!” All these people… so fooled… still so fooled… I’ve spent 20 months.. still fighting for not only my son, but for my life back. Because this so called human being has taken anything that we have to live a life of. Everyone, who I thought would be there to help. Was never there. Not a single soul. I was still drowning even when I left. It was like, being dragged around like a rag doll. Even trying to make a new life for myself, I was still being ripped apart by him. Because of one thing. And that was my son. The amount of love that he knew I had for my son, and he used it against me. The thing is, about this kind of narcissistic abuse. Is that, the court finds it difficult to

be able to over come these circumstances. I was so afraid that I was going to lose my son because of him. That I didn’t jump at every opportunity that I could take to walk away. And because of that, I was left with this. My son is now being tormented, by living in a different home every other week. He can not go to school like a regular child, because his dad refused to allow him to do so.

To him, this is everything he wanted. He wanted to see me drown and watch me drowning. And every moment I was capable of excelling, he would push me right back down just for me to remember that I belonged under the water to him. Because I was accused, of cheating on him. Because I sought to reach for help… If you’re being abused. Mentally, physically, emotionally. Whatever the cause may be. There is an open door somewhere. Do not let society judge you for this. Because they have never stepped foot into your shoes. Your life, is everything to you. Do not be afraid to stand up. Do not be afraid to let someone know. Even if that means to show everything. I

know my story sounds like a hopeless cause, because there are times I still feel that way. Every time I went to the police to tell them and show them, the amount of harassment I was receiving, it was like I was being turned down. But, it will prevail. There is someone out there, that can help you.

10 things I wish I knew before becoming a mom.

At some point during our life as women, we can’t wait to become a mom. It’s the greatest thing that can possibly happen to a woman. Being able to feel the magic of your child in your belly for 9 months. It has its up’s and down’s of course. But who would’ve thought, that carrying this glorious little alien was going to make you change so drastically in your life. Today, you look inside a woman’s magazine. You see these beautiful and petite women. Showing these cute baby bumps and how they look great post-partum. You kind of give yourself these pretty high expectations after becoming a parent. Especially in those Parent magazines. You’re supposed to raise your kid “this way”. And “that way” harms the children ¬†psychologically. I mean… really, we’ve set the bar pretty high for ourselves. After 3 years into this mom business, I finally conducted myself of this. Things I wish I knew before becoming a mom.

1. You’re going to be one hell of a mom no matter what the situation is!

I promise you, this is number one. Mom-to-be’s, new moms, experienced moms. We have all been there. We set ourselves at this standard that we need to and have to be this great mom. I wish I was told this from the get-go. That no matter what I was going to do or have done. I was always still going to be a great mom. We tell ourselves and have told ourselves before our little monsters. We have to be this super mom, to raise these great and amazing children. But to be frank, we are the greatest human beings to our off springs. Don’t make yourself be this monster zombie mom because you have to be that “awesome soccer mom”. Kids will love you no matter what. You’re their mom.

2. Post-partum depression is real.

Yes. And it is very real. I kept telling myself that I wasn’t going to be that 1 in every 100 or so women that had post-partum depression. But it happened. I wasn’t even aware of it until well. I had seperation anxiety from my son. But, there are ways to over come it. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. And don’t be afraid to talk to someone about how you’re feeling. I wasn’t well educated on post-partum depression before I even got pregnant. Nor did I even know it really existed. But, it’s better to know the signs when you know you aren’t feeling right. Ask for help. It will do you a world of justice.

3. Always prepare yourself.

I know, this is a give-me one. Honestly, always prepare yourself. And not just for baby, but for everything. For whatever life throws at you. Because the moment you find out that you’re carrying your little monster for 9 months. Is the moment the world no longer matters, but that little monster. Prepare yourself, financially, systemically, emotionally, psychologically, and physically. Especially as women. Don’t set yourself up and leave yourself for granted.

4. Post-partum baby weight.

I keep telling myself I’m going to make time for me. A lot. Because I truly do need it. But when I actually have time for me and my weight, I’m so exhausted. There are moms who have gone through extreme measures to stay healthy and fit during pregnancy. That’s because they were before they became pregnant. Every mom gains a few extra pounds post pregnancy. It’s common. Don’t fret over the little weight. Because at the end of the day, you look at yourself and you look at the little monster you have. And realize, you were and probably still are nurturing that little alien. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve had to get through. And still trying to get through. But I just take one look at my son and remember that it’s something that I had to do for him.

5. Pajamas, yoga pants, and leggings are your best friends

I didn’t wear leggings or yoga pants after my pregnancy because I had this horrible looking muffin top already. But I definitely wore sweats and pjs a lot. And going to school after having my munchkin, I was wearing scrubs every day. I still am. Which kind of sucks. But believe it or not, I was in comfy clothes up until my son turned almost 2. I lost a little bit of weight and started wearing yoga pants and leggings again. I simply thought I was just going to get right back into my jeans. Nope! Not the case at all. You’re constantly running around, and all you want to do is be comfy doing it. I mean, why not right?

6. Parenting is not what everyone makes of it.

In today’s society, discipline means the parent gets in trouble for abuse. As in discipline , I mean some kids deserve a good spanking sometimes. When we were growing up, we had the clothes hanger, or when I was helping my sister with my nephew. It was the evil glare that really got him to put down whatever he thought he was going to get into. You’re going to parent your child. And you’re going to parent your child in the best way deemed necessary. If you are the kind of parent that wants to let your child run freely and knock down all the other kids blocks and be a bully. Then you be that parent. Because at the end of the day, the way how your child grows up is how they’re going to treat the rest of society. But don’t let what other parenting techniques fool you because they tell you “if it were their child”. You parent how you’re going to parent. But also ensure the safety and conscious decisions for these children.

7. There is no such thing as sleep.

A week after I found out I was pregnant, was the last time I had good decent sleep. And by decent sleep, I’m talking about a full 9-10 hours of sleep well beauty rested, and not a stress freckle in sight. When my son was born, I didn’t know what sleep meant any more. My sons’ father, did not get up for the life of him. When my son woke up, I was up. When my son slept, I was awake to clean the house, do laundry, do the dishes, meal prep, or cook dinner, pick up toys. And by the time I was able to actually take a nap. My son was up. But there lives a day that there will be sleep! After a few years that is.

8. Your bladder is uncontrollable.
I don’t think I can elaborate this anymore. If I would have known that I was going to tinkle myself a little every time I sneezed or coughed. I think I would’ve taken a little more precautions after my pregnancy. It’s a little ridiculous. I didn’t even think it was possible that I could do such a thing. And don’t even bother trying to hold yourself back from using the potty. I think I had more “almost near” accidents, than I’ve ever had in my life, after I had my son. You just can’t help it. Maybe kegil exercises!!

9. You’ll be your child’s #1 person no matter what.

I think this was something that was always hard for me to accept. Regardless if your child always asks for someone or is with someone regularly. Your child will always know that you’re the one that cares and loves them more than anything. You are their number one person they will run to even if they don’t really run to you. You are the one that they know will always be there for them. To wipe away their tears. To cuddle them to sleep. To read them books and stay up late to watch Disney movies all night with. You will always be their number one. And will always know you are mommy.

10. Motherhood prints its own picture for everyone.

It’s different for every mom. I always pictured that I was going to take my son to do these awesome things and he was going to be so well behaved and etc… but let’s be real here. Children are their own people. They have their own minds and make life a very brightly painted picture. Not everyday is going to be picture perfect. One day you’ll have poop on your hand and a screaming toddler. The next you’all have the most perfect little angel that belongs at the top of a Christmas tree. Not only that though, I always believed that I was always going to have it together. I was going to be that mom that made sure she was there for every event and every time period in her sons life. Motherhood isn’t the way how it always looks in the magazines. It’s different for every mom. So just trust yourself and let things how they’re meant to be.
Motherhood is full of different experinces. Whether good or bad, I don’t think I would have it either way. Even if I knew about it or not. Having to learn these things on my own, let me see motherhood in true form. Learning to love and adapt to your new life. I wouldn’t change anything about my experience through motherhood.

If you’ve had a few times you have thought to yourself, you wish you knew about before having children. And if you’d like to add to our list. Leave us a comment down below! We would like to hear from you and your travel through motherhood!